29 Funny Confessions From Reddit You Won't Believe (2024)

What started off as an idea between two college roommates has become arguably the biggest user-driven website on the internet. Reddit allows anyone to post pretty much whatever they like, from pictures and videos to essays and short stories. There are hundreds of thousands of different threads about any subject you can imagine where people post their thoughts. Want to check out images of trees sucking on things? Head to r/TreesSuckingOnThings. Want to see people with bird heads? Check out r/peoplewithbirdheads. Or maybe you want to read some funny confessions? Then Reddit’s read r/confessions thread is the one for you.

Reddit’s hilarious confessions thread is full of weird, wild, and wonderful tales from people confessing their darkest secrets. While not every confession is fun – some user’s contributions are quite dark and depressing – there are just as many that are funny confessions and will have you giggling. You’ll be surprised by the funny things a person will post on the internet when they can be anonymous.

Funny Confessions From Reddit

1. I masturbat*d To My Sims WooHooing

u/[deleted]: “I was in like 5th grade and it was my only source of material. I tried not to think about it being a game. Forgive me EA.”

2. I Use To Think dild*s Were a Hostess Product

u/omega13: “Like Ding-Dongs or Ho-Hos. When I was younger, I overheard the older kids saying dild* a couple times at lunch. They were whispering and giggling. For years I couldn’t figure out what was so funny and secretive about snack cakes.”

3. I Posted Fake Jobs on Internet so I Could Build My Own Resume

u/mapleleafsf4n: “When I was 19-20 years old I was looking for jobs and could not find any and people would tell me to build a nice resume. The problem was, I did not know how to do it so I posted fake jobs on internet and would get resumes. I used those resumes to build my own using the skills that I liked on their resumes. I could also tell who was competing with me for those jobs that I posted. I feel bad for those people that thought it was genuine and applied.

I am 33 now and have a nice job. Those resumes truly did help me build my career.”

4. You Know How Men Sometimes Pose as Cute Girls on the Internet?

u/billowing_khakis: “Well, I am a girl and I sometimes pose as an incel just to gain access to those types of spaces. My curiosity gets the better of me.”

5. I Lied About Seeing a Bear To Get Into the Newspaper

u/ImEONIC:“This happened 4 years ago and my memory isn’t the best plus this is my first post so ye.

So for some background, I’m 14m and live in a small village (around 2k ppl) and from when we started to around 12 years old we would go to this forest near us to play. There were a main “camp” with a wind shelter and a fireplace where the teachers were.

When I was around 10 we went there with our class and we went in to play. After around an hour, a group of kids came running from a more remote part of the forest saying they saw a bear. (Note: Brown bears live in our region but I’ve never heard of one this close to the main village.)

We believed them and kept playing. When we were gonna pack up me and a friend remembered that we forgot our jackets at the ‘base.’ We went back and got them and when we started walking back to the camp when we started talking about the bear. He proposed that we should scream and pretend we saw it.

So we did.

We screamed and ran back saying that we saw the bear. No one really questioned us and we just went back to school.

When I got home I told my mom what happened (the lie not the truth) and she said I should call the local newspaper to tell them, and so I did. The reporter asked questions and I answered. When we were finished he talked to my mom and she said that I would never lie and that I was ‘the truth himself.’

It got published with a pic of me and for one or two years after people would ask me if I was the one who saw that bear.

The friend I was with haven’t said anything but one of the kids who originally claimed they saw the bear said that they never saw it.

Its luckily never been brought up since that,

I just wanted to get this off my chest and get some unbiased opinions. Sorry for the long post.”

6. I’m Sexually Attracted To My Boyfriend’s Dad

u/[deleted]: “I can’t help it. I haven’t even met him yet. I’ve just heard a lot about him, have seen pictures, and heard his voice. I’m paranoid that when I do meet him I’ll be all weird around him. So much so that I don’t want to meet him, although my boyfriend and he are close.”

7. I Threw Eggs From the 16th Floor of My Apartment To Maintain Peace and Quiet

u/azuerus2000:“I used to live on the 16th floor of an apartment building. There was a pub on the ground floor and people would often congregate late at night in the street in front of the pub entrance. This was a hindrance to residents because we would wake up at 1 or 2 in morning to drunk people talking outside. My apartment had 2 balconies on 2 sides of the building so I often looked down on people grouping together on both sides of the building.

I got fed up with it and decided to drop an egg where a group of people were chatting. They immediately dispersed and I could enjoy my sleep again I did this on another occasion and again it worked. I started buying more eggs and it became a habit that I practiced for about 6 months. No one had a clue it was me and I even went to the pub and overheard people chatting about eggs being dropped from balconies in the building. Needless to say, I used to maintain peace and quiet by dropping eggs from my balconies.”

8. I Have a Crush on Our Local Delivery Guy So I Order All Kinds of sh*t Just To See Him

u/[deleted]: “It started 6 weeks ago when I had ordered a new electrical fan and he delivered it. I’m a 5’8 19-year-old and I think he’s somewhere inbetween 24-27 and he’s really short, 5’5 I think. It’s difficult to tell since there’s a step at my door.

He’s so cute it’s not even funny, the first time he came I giggled and I was so flustered I was really embarrassed about it but he was really nice and told me where to sign, etc. since it was the first time I’d ordered anything. (usually my parents do all that stuff…)

And now… for 6 weeks I have 2 deliveries on average every week. Sometimes more. I always order really cheap crap I don’t even need. I have a ”see the delivery man” budget that I’ve set aside and it’s so pathetic but I don’t know what to do and I think he’s catching on too because lately he starts to make small talk and I panic and I say something really stupid but it makes him laugh and I just don’t know what to do anymore. My sister is totally on to me and just now, he delivered 2 small packages and my sister was just coming home and she actually said “So he’s the reason you’re always ordering sh*t” and walked in.

I am mortified. He looked at her, looked at me and f*cking smirked. He must think I’m such a freaking loser. Oh my God. Someone kill me now.”

9. I Lifted Up a Guy’s Motor Scooter and Placed It in a Handicapped Spot

u/qso: “I lifted up a guy’s motor scooter and placed it in a handicapped spot. Then I parked where the scooter had been.”

11. I Honk At Golfers

u/flyingwhale1229:“Ever since the Jackass movie was released, every time I’m driving by a golf course, I purposely slow down, wait til a golfer is about to swing and I honk to throw them off and see their reaction.”

12. Boyfriend Won’t Stop Doing the Mickey Mouse Voice During Sex, I’m Leaving Him

u/ThrowawayMickeyMice: “Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (27f) just discovered a ring box in my boyfriend’s (29m) nightstand and I think he’s planning on proposing to me. I’m thinking of just dumping him.

13. As a child, I Copied a Poem From a Book and Won First Place in a Poetry Contest

u/PancSutt: “When I was in the third grade, I was very into reading/writing and often stayed up far past my bedtime reading anything within my comprehension level that I could get my hands on. We had a stack of children’s encyclopedias I loved on all sorts of topics (dinosaurs, the planets, world history, etc) including one of stories/poems.

One poem stood out in particular, it was about solitude in nature and really struck a chord with me. Because I loved the poem so much, I copied it down into a journal I had of my own writing and passages/poems I found inspiration in. Because I was so young (talking single digits here) it never occurred to me to write down the author or anything, especially not in my own journal.

A few weeks went by and my mom had stumbled upon journal while cleaning my room. She read the poem and assumed it was original writing. She approached me about it that night and was so proud of it. Like any 8-year-old, I wanted my mom’s approval and pride, so I didn’t tell her I had actually found the poem in a book. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, and she was so proud.

Fast forward a month or two, my mom is reading the Sunday paper and sees a poetry contest for young people. She immediately thinks of “my” poem and insists I enter it. That afternoon, she had my dad drive us to his office so she could type it up (before home computers.) She sends a copy into the newspaper and, of course, because it’s an 8-year-old’s name on an adult’s published poem, it wins the first prize in my age group. My parents are so happy with me and I feel so incredibly guilty.

Within the next month, the poem and my picture are ran on the front page of the arts section in the paper. I am invited to read the poem as part of an award ceremony for all the contest’s participants. Of course, I go because my mom wants us to, and why wouldn’t I? I get a small award, a ribbon, and maybe a gift card? I don’t remember. What I do remember is feeling so incredibly guilty.

I have spent more sleepless hours on this poem than I can count. A few years later, we learn about plagiarism in school and I feel as though I’m being personally called out. I remember tearing out the book’s page with the poem, ripping it up, and throwing it away wrapped in an unused sanitary napkin because I was so afraid anyone would find out. It’s been 20 years since that award ceremony and even though I realize it was a childhood mistake that isn’t even that large, I still can’t quite shake the guilt.

TL;DR – When I was 8, my mom read a poem in my journal and assumed it was original writing. I didn’t correct her, and eventually, she entered it into a poetry contest. It won’t first place and I’ve been guilty for the past 20 years.

Edit: Whoa! Thanks guys – you’ve honestly made me feel a little better. So many have requested the poem so I’ve posted it below. Couldn’t figure out line breaks so I’ve used slashes.”

This Is My Rock by David McCord:

This is my rock/And here I run/To steal the secret of the sun.

This is my rock/And here come I/Before the night has swept the sky.

This is my rock/This is the place/I meet the evening face to face.

14. I like To Creep Around My Home And Act Like a Goblin

“I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally, I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from the sh*t I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbors and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.” – u/Sasuke-in-SSBU

15. I Made Out With My Cousin

“I made out with my cousin. And I really liked it, and I soaked my underwear, and I flashed my boobs at him. He’s disgusted with himself.” – u/Wesleyan

16. I Thought Fifty Shades of Grey Was a Crime Mystery Novel

“I thought Fifty Shades of Grey was a crime mystery novel.” – u/Adventurous_Repair24

17. I Could Get Kicked Out of My University for Pissing

“I have a problem with drinking. I think that is pretty evident. If I’m with responsible pepole, I drink responsibly; if I am with ‘partiers’ I drink to much excess.

One night I got really drunk and pissed right outside of the local bar. Literally, on the front steps and pissed onto the street. I was super blacked out. Because of that my school put me on ‘probation’ and asked me to submit several different documents, etc. etc.

Well, I didn’t do any of the stuff they asked me to do, and instead on Cinco de Mayo I got plastered drunk again and pissed in the exact same spot as the first time. I was busted and now I’m awaiting my second probationary hearing to see if I am still eligible to be a student next semester.

I’m hoping it goes well. I’m going to take responsibility for my actions and see how that goes (the alternative being a “student hearing” where I take it to a board of students). I think if they dismiss me it will be a very unfortunate and excessive punishment, but I can’t say I don’t see it happening. It was not a very responsible thing for a 21-year-old to do.

TL;DR: I may have figuratively pissed away my college education by literally pissing in public.” – u/Atwotonhooker

18. I Am Male and I Really Like Uggs

“I am male and I really like Uggs.” – u/[deleted]

19.” Years Ago, My Brother Took the SAT for Me

“Years ago, my brother took the SAT for me.” – u/qs0

20. I Thought Keanu Reeves was a Black Basketball Player

“I guess it’s just the way his name sounds?” – u/[deleted]

21. I’m Terrified of Stickers and Patterned Tape

“I’m terrified of stickers and patterned tape. I don’t know why, I don’t remember any particular trauma? But they freak me the f*ck out. I saw the thumbnail for a video of a guy eating stickers in a dark alley yesterday and I literally almost threw up. This is why I can never work with kids.” –

22. I Once Sat Through an Entire Movie Without Realizing That I Had Left My Car Running in the Parking Lot

“EDIT: The movie was Pacific Rim, I liked it. That, combined with my car not getting stolen from the theater parking lot, made that day a pretty good day. 😀

EDIT 2: Aaaaaaand now this is my top-rated comment, and my username is easily recognizable to anyone I’ve ever played D&D with.” – u/[deleted]

23. In London at Piccadilly Circus and I Don’t Remember It

“In 1987, I was in London about to go in a techno club with some friends. It was a crazy afternoon before this as we all went to several off-tourist locations with some cool locals. Once we left the flat for the evening, we were all in a great mood and then I’m in front of the club starting to walk in.

That’s the last memory of the place I have.

The next morning, I am waking up without a hangover back in the flat we had left from. I felt a little cool and looked around. No one moving and no music from anything but there is traffic sounds from outside. I felt something on my left and right and noticed two female friends from yesterday asleep and fully clothed on either side of me. But I was completely buck-ass f*cking naked.

To this day, I still do not have any clue what happened. I assume I was drugged because I didn’t have any hangover. It was rather awkward getting up and seeing everybody in the morning but it must have been a bad experience because no one was talking to me at all about it.

That still freaks me out. I haven’t the slightest idea what I did and to this day almost 40 years later it still bothers me. I feel like I’m lucky to be alive and apparently had some very nice people take care of me.

Surround yourself with good people who will take care of you.” – u/Interesting-Fan-5227

24. That I Play D&D

“My parents are still on the ‘dnd leads kids to satan and/or witchcraft’ bandwagon and threatened to kick me out when I asked if I could try playing it at home. Although, they only know the NAME of the game, not what it actually looks like, so as long nothing I use for it explicitly says “Dungeons and Dragons” they couldn’t care less.” – u/Mario3585

25. I Sucked On my Aunt’s Boobs When I Was 10

“I don’t remember much from my childhood, but this is one of my vivid memories. I (18M) used to stay over my aunt’s (my mom’s sister) house during the holidays. She would offer me to stay at her house for a week or two, as she lived alone and I guess it gets lonely sometimes. I would sleep together with her on her bed and everything was fine. One night, I was thirsty and wanted to go to the kitchen but I was too scared to go alone, so I woke her up and ask her to go with me. Out of nowhere, she pulled her boobs out of her shirt and asked me to suck it. And so I did for a solid minute then went back to sleep. Thinking about it, that was probably the first sexual arousal I have ever had. As a kid, I would get hard every time I think of that night. As I grew older, I discovered that women don’t lactate until they have a child. So basically, she just wanted me to suck on her tit*. Now, she has a family and acts like nothing had ever happened (she prolly thinks I completely forgot about it), but I remember that night as clear as day. This may sound like a weird fantasy sh*t, but I can assure you it really happened.” – u/frusciante1235

26. That I Own the Website www.usedpantiesforsale.us

“I have a great career outside the website but the opportunity came up for the site and I went for it.” – u/usedpantiesforsaleUS

27. I Took a Dump in a Urinal

“I took a dump in a urinal at a Dazolis in Morehead ky a few years ago when I was like 14 because I thought it would be funny AND IT STILL IS.” – u/CountryBoiCanSurvive

28. This Is so Embarrassing

“People keep saying I look athletic and asking me for my workout routines… I don’t know how to tell them I just masturbat* 😭 this one guy told me my legs looked really toned and I sat there telling him I didn’t work out or run, I stopped talking because all the sudden I realized I must get super tense when I do the dirty deed and I guess it equates to a workout??? 😭😭 should I just lie and say I workout from now on Idk what to do.” – u/dinglenoggin

29. I Want To Live Like Brian From Fast and Furious

“How much would I need to save up? to live in a cheap house in like Los Angeles or Miami and have an just have an expensive jdm car (20k) And just work at job whatever and just drive to car meets and race every night that is my dream.” – u/Intelligent-Wind-957